It seems as if we are constantly creating connections in our minds, and with others near and far. It is as if each of us have our own infinite collection of connect the dot puzzles, that are all intensionally intertwining ivylike as we wander, simultaneously creating a masterpiece with this seemingly illusive message.
(When my blog post about connections turns into poetry, I just allow it) lol..
Enjoy xo,
Lexi..
If you find my word vomit intriguing, come join me visually on this rebelious journey of love, enlightenment, sexuality and empowerment at @lexirosewaterme on Instagram.
Much love,
Lexi
1/11/18 was the night of my audition and I eventually concluded a long ass shift at this restaurant job I had. I smelled like the muck you would find inside a Korean barbecue grill, my face was as shiny as the brightest star due to all the grease in the air and my hair had the volume of an afro thanks to the tight high bun rule they enforced on all the girls. I’m pretty certain that day I made around 80 bucks in total. The hourly pay was about 13 bucks and the tips for hosts from servers weren’t very much (it really didn’t matter how hard you busted your ass to help the servers while simultaneously hosting, it depended on how well they did and how much they felt was fair to share, all of which I had very little control over). When I was hired I was promised that I could move up to a serving position within a small time frame. Once I worked my ass off to get the hang of everything and be the best employee. I begged my manager if I could just at least take the serving test since the amount of time I needed to gain experience passed. Weeks went on before they allowed me to take it. They explained to me that there were people who had been there longer wanted to become servers too so I needed to wait. They also began cutting my hours when it was slow which was a huge blow because I literally could not afford it. I was on craigslist everyday searching for something that I could be qualified for, that had somewhat of a flexible schedule so I could pick up my daughter from daycare by 5:30pm and that paid better.
Very soon I followed my intuition and checked if I could audition at Cheetah’s Gentleman’s club in Sunnyvale, CA. I texted the manager and she asked me to send her a couple sexy pictures of myself in a bra and panties. She replied asking what time to could come in and show her what I got on stage. I was experiencing this debilitating anxiety about my audition. I knew nothing about dancing on a pole let alone doing it COMPLETELY naked for an audience. Not that I have anything against being naked, I love being naked. I’ve always wanted to go to one of those nude beaches in Europe. I searched up strip club videos on youtube with my partner out of pure curiosity of what I was getting myself into and they were raunchy. I personally was turned off after watching this one video of this chick slamming her big beautiful booty directly on top of this dudes face (nose between ass cheeks deep). I questioned myself if I was capable or comfortable with doing anything remotely similar. My heart was coming out of my chest, there I was trying to remember the fact that I am open minded person who needed to become financially independent and stable.
For some maddening reason I was worried about how this job might affect who I thought I was and whether it made me a bad girlfriend or not. I immediately begged my boyfriend to get us some beers to ease my mind. He agreed and was probably happy to share some with me too at that point. I was in the shower washing all the smokey grime off myself probably sobbing too and he came in with an open beer and a loving smile. He assured me of my fears and continued to portray his unconditional support for me. I ended up figuring out that the club was a no contact and it made us feel more at ease. Personally, I think a huge reason why he wanted to be there for me was because he saw how hard I worked at my other job and how little I got back in return. I was always pretty beat up after work, cried a lot of tears over money and was worried I was lacking the energy to be a good mom. He said to me as he gazed into my eyes, “There is nothing you could ever do that would change the way I look at or feel about you”. Talk about a great man who put aside his ego and shined love like he was the living definition and example of unconditional love. I know a huge part of me shares love and compassion to others around me so it was a breath of fresh air to experience it coming back like this. Getting through the inevitable hard times made for great realizations, lessons and in our case a stronger and VERY special bond.
So… About the audition, I about closed the laptop and turned on Netflix in such excitement to switch off my brain. Earth to Lexi!! After my shower and a couple beers my boyfriend and I started going through my music library together in my sound cloud account. We were trying to find something that I could groove to, I would choose them and he would either say yes or no based on whether he could envision me dancing to it or not. We saved a couple songs and I started shimmying around trying to get pumped. Then I started to freak out about what the heck I was going to wear. The manager just told me to wear undies and bra. Pretty much all my sexy undies were dirty so I had to wear this one mediocre worn out cheetah print thong (in my head I was already making fun of myself, how cliche wearing cheetah print underwear to a club called Cheetahs) I went with it anyways and I think I wore some old black push up bra with these taboo black five inch heels, nothing special. I threw on a sexy little black skirt and a cute top and about 4 or 5 beers down my boyfriend and I decided we were ready to get the show on the road. He pulled up to the club and we smooched a big one and he told me I was going to get the job. My first step into Cheetah’s was the first step I had ever taken into a strip club. I was in absolute awe of what I was seeing. The lights, the stage, the costumers openly showing appreciation with money and the lovely naked/partially naked girls. I remember feeling really intrigued and super buzzed. The girl I saw on stage was so beautiful and was wearing some cute Pink brand Victoria Secret bra and undies. Nothing fancy but definitley complementing to her style. I immediately gravitated towards one of my current favorite DJs (I love them all by the way) and he saw how nervous I was and assured me I was going to be great. The option I had was to either go on audition on the main stage where all the costumers were and pick my song or dance on the back stage were no one was and just dance which ever song that was playing at the moment. I wanted to be this badass confident chick and just go for it on the main stage so I could pick my song but every bone and muscle in my body just didn’t allow it. I went with the safe option and just danced for my manager on this semi secluded stage (although I’m sure the girls that were working there that night peeked since I was introduced to most of them as the new girl auditioning in the changing room). I ended up having to dance to some popular radio song, of which I wasn’t a fan, but still managed to get my sexy on the best I could without feeling and looking as awkward as I felt. I ended up stripping my bra and then went for my panties and proceeded to throw them towards her like it was sexy or something. I got the job but she mentioned to me that I probably shouldn’t do that to the costumers because 1) It’s not sanitary and 2) I might not get them back. 3) That night I got over my fear, saw some cool shit, met some sweet people, and took control of my life.
Sexy Lexi is back and better!! My little human is asleep and I’m no longer suffering from one of those nasty seasonal illnesses. Thank you universe. So let me tell you something, this damn blog is similar to having another child but more difficult in some ways. I don’t entirely love this blog yet, I want to but I don’t. At least when you have a child for me anyways, as soon as that slimy human came out of my magical vaginal portal I was in love like I never new existed. That made nurturing her second nature for me. A blog on the other hand takes money, blog tech skills, time, creativity, extra energy, and some sort of writing ability all of which is difficult for me to muster while I continue juggling my job, daughter, family, boyfriend, friends, myself and life. It’s been rough carving out the right space to travel through my very own time machine to recollect all the details and type it up so that it’s makes at least a little bit of sense and has meaning. My mind has been violated by tons of great blogging ideas during my daily routines, but they usually remain dormant for quite some time before I actually get my fingers tapping against the damn keyboard of my boyfriend’s laptop. I’ve decided that if I am going to write I am going to write freely and allow it to flow without getting worked up with my lack of grammar skills. I want to enjoy this and not let it become a chore.
Hi there, magical being! I will be referring to myself as Lexi Rose, a.k.a my stage name at the Gentleman’s club I perform at. I feel that I am a compassionate, open minded and imperfect rebel with a rather unorthodox way of living and feeling. I am going to do my best to convey my journey, studies and interests to effectively make a difference in a world that I think needs much more love, honesty, and compassion. The struggles I have endured as a single young mom chasing financial independence and purpose to thrive has led me to many pivotal changes and lessons. I believe that if I properly utilize my experiences and observations I can transform them into vital stepping stones to a more meaningful existence for myself or others near and far.
Deeper Connections 